


Wired

by Sasa_Q



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Pre- and During- "The Wire", Top Elim Garak AND Bottom Elim Garak!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 22:02:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30095799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasa_Q/pseuds/Sasa_Q
Summary: Three times Garak and Julian had sex while Garak was on the wire, and one time they didn't.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	Wired

Garak was so out of it he forgot if it was he or Julian who initiated it. All he knew was that he was lying on Julian Bashir's couch and Julian was kissing him with a terrible kind of passion. All he knew was that Julian was rubbing the front of Garak's pants, and that he was getting wet, even though a part of him could hardly feel Julian rubbing up on him. He felt an ache inside him, aching for Julian, a horrible ache.

Julian was talking to him. Garak could hardly hear him through the blood pumping in his head.

"Garak?" he was saying. "Do you want me to?"

Garak didn't know what he was referring to, but he said, "Yes. Please."

Julian pulled down Garak's pants to his knees, exposing his ajan, which was leaking wetness. Julian ran his tongue along the lips of the slit, and Garak bit his lip. Julian lapped at Garak's ajan with his tongue, exploring it. If Garak was more lucid, he knew he would be apologizing for making such a mess on Julian's couch, but right now, he really didn't care.

He could hear his own moans amplified almost uncomfortably. Julian's tongue and his lips all over Garak's ajan... it felt spectacular. In this instant, there was nothing else in the galaxy but Julian Bashir and this feeling, this amazing feeling building up inside him that he could barely hope to control.

"I need you to fuck me," Garak gasped. Normally he wouldn't be so crude, but the ache inside him was so painful that he didn't care. "Please."

So Julian pulled away and began to undress. Garak's state of bliss with the implant only amplified Julian's incredible beauty. Garak longed for every line of his body, every color, every single fiber of his being. Garak wanted Julian to possess him.

Garak felt fuzzy as Julian began to stick his cock inside him. It felt so good. Damn. He'd never felt anything like this before. Then again, he'd never tried to have sex while activating his implant before.

So it was sort of his 'first time'.

Julian may not be fucking him like a Cardassian would, but it felt good anyway. Maybe even better, in a way. Garak could hear every single one of his own moans, could feel Julian's hands caressing his skin, everything amplified by a hundred thousand times. Even though Deep Space Nine was hellishly cold for him, he suddenly felt blessedly warm.

Damn. Already, he was getting close to orgasm. He normally wasn't so easy, but again, he'd never had sex while his implant was on before. He tried to fight it, but eventually he knew he had to say something.

He tried to say something eloquent but all that came out was "I- ohhhh- I'm going to- I- I'm- I'm-"

"Come for me, Garak," Julian said.

That was all Garak had ever wanted to hear. He came hard, his body writhing underneath Julian's, groaning unconsciously. He inhaled sharply, his vision swirling. His breathing was ragged. He had never experienced such pleasure before. He knew suddenly that he was going to pass out, and a second later, he did, his eyes drooping shut.

He woke only seconds later to Julian saying something. He wished he could hear better, but while he activated the implant and experienced this much natural pleasure at the same time, all his senses were either magnified or completely annihilated. He thought Julian was asking him if he was okay.

"Yes," Garak said.

Julian laughed like he had said something funny and kissed him. It wasn't a romantic kiss, but something inherently sexual, needy, wanting. He kept fucking Garak. Garak felt the strokes get harder, but it wasn't painful. If anything, it was nice. It was making him feel something again.

He certainly felt it when Julian came inside him. It was a feeling he hadn't felt for a while now. He enjoyed it, and was almost sorry when Julian pulled out.

"So, what do you think?" Julian asked softly. "Worth it?"

Garak nodded. "Very much worth it."

"Think we could do this again sometime?" asked Julian.

"I would very much enjoy that," said Garak.

"You know," said Julian, "I've never seen your smile like this before."

"That's because I've never been this happy around you before," said Garak simply. He was aware that he was smiling like an idiot, but he wasn't sure how to stop doing it. And he wasn't sure he wanted to.

* * *

Garak ended up in the infirmary for some ridiculous reason he wasn't proud of. He had fainted in the tailor shop, and one of his customers had found him slumped on the ground among his mannequins, and rushed him to see Dr. Bashir.

He met Julian's eyes. Julian acknowledged his eyes.

"What seems to be the problem, Garak?" he asked.

"Oh, it's nothing," Garak assured Julian. "I seem to have passed out somehow just now."

"That's not nothing," Julian said. "I'll have to get you assessed."

"Please, doctor," Garak said, "as a _friend_ , can't you skip all the assessments?" He didn't want Julian finding out about his device.

"Not a chance," said Julian. "I might be your..." he paused. "I might be your... friend, but I'm also your doctor. I can't risk the idea that something might be wrong with you."

So he had Garak change into one of those dreadful hospital gowns (such discordant colors, they made his head ache) and lay down on a reclining chair while the doctor did all sorts of tests on him.

"So," Garak said, "is there any chance you might want to come to my quarters tonight?"

"Not if you're going to faint on me," Julian said.

"What if I promise I won't pass out?" Garak said. "If I promise I'll be awake the whole time?"

"I just might have to consider that," said Julian. He sighed. "The tests all come back fine. There's nothing wrong with you. You're in excellent physical health."

Garak noted the word 'physical'.

"So, tonight? My quarters?" Garak said, trying to disguise his hope.

"I'll be there at 2200," said Julian. "You're free to go. Your clothes are in a bin in the other room. Don't worry, I tried to fold them so they wouldn't wrinkle too badly."

"It's appreciated," Garak said.

Garak cleaned up his quarters for Julian. He had allowed himself to get messy in the time he had spent on Deep Space Nine. After all, no one had ever visited his quarters except for Julian's upcoming visit that night. He organized all his sewing projects and made his bed, knowing full well it was all going to get messed up when they would fuck on it.

At exactly 2200, Julian showed up at Garak's door, wearing casual clothes instead of his uniform. Garak had only ever seen him in his uniform or naked, so this was a new experience, and not a bad one.

"How was the rest of your day?" Julian asked him. "No more problems?"

"Nothing at all," Garak said. "As you'll be happy to know."

"I am," Julian said. He looked around. "So, these are your quarters? Kind of small."

Garak chuckled bitterly. "You have no idea." His voice trailed off into silence. "So."

"So," said Julian.

"I'd like- I'd like to kiss you," Garak burst out. "And... and see where it goes from there. …If you want to?"

Julian responded by leaning in and kissing him. Garak loved the feeling of their lips pressed together, of Julian and his tongue.

The fuzzy feeling began. Garak could feel his heart going thump-thump, thump-thump. He kissed Julian like there was no tomorrow. Garak's eyes were getting all blurry, and he couldn't tell if it was because the implant was messing with his vision or if he was crying.

He could feel Julian touching him through his pants, and his hips surged forward into Julian's touch. He was already starting to evert. _Desperate, Elim,_ he thought. _You've gotten so desperate._

"You're already so hard for me," Julian marveled, feeling him through his pants.

Garak's face flushed. "I didn't mean to evert," he said, embarrassed. "Now I suppose I've ruined our plans."

"Not necessarily," Julian said. "You could be on top."

Garak relished the idea. "Is that an invitation, doctor?" he asked.

"I think that's what I just said," said Julian playfully.

"I need you," Garak said, his fingers lingering on his everted prUt, still hidden underneath his pants. "Please?"

"I like a man that needs me," said Julian, and laid a kiss on his mouth before he began to undress.

The world got quite jumbled up as Garak pulled down his pants, watching Julian undress. _Mmm._ He stroked himself as Julian removed his clothes. Julian was all he had ever needed in life, and he glowed with neon light that bounced off his skin and refracted in his eyes. He was a god. He was the most beautiful thing to ever exist in the galaxy, and Garak felt so lucky that he was the one looking at him.

Julian went to kneel in front of him to suck him off but Garak couldn't stand for him to do that. "No," he said. "I need to have you right now."

"So impatient," Julian said. "I didn't expect you'd be like this."

"What can I say?" Garak said. "I'm a man who shatters expectations."

So they got on Garak's bed. It wasn't a very big bed, but that was all right. Garak was used to making do. Julian lay on his back on the bed and spread his legs, a pretty picture for Garak. Garak had to remind himself to be slow and careful as he slid his prUt into Julian. Julian let out a very pleasing sound.

Garak started thrusting into him, needily, greedily. The world spun in circles around him. He didn't feel quite as out-of-control as he had the first time they had been together; perhaps he was getting more practiced in using his implant while having sex.

Julian was saying something and it sounded like something good, but either the universal translator was malfunctioning or Garak could just hear the words in Kardasi, "It's for your own good, Elim."

He could hear Julian again. "What's the matter?" Julian was saying.

"What?" Garak asked.

"You just kind of stopped," Julian said. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Garak said. "No, I'm more than fine. I'm with you."

He kept going. Julian was beneath him, so eager, so willing for him. He said things occasionally that Garak's mind automatically filtered out. Garak did not filter it out when Julian said, "I think I'm going to come." Garak started to go faster, harder, and Julian ground his hips into Garak and let out a long moan. Garak didn't stop going until he had finished moaning.

Garak pulled out of Julian. "You didn't come," said Julian.

"Perhaps you could help change that," Garak said.

Julian stroked Garak's prUt. Garak felt a wave of heat come over his body and he began to see blotches of light everywhere. He was afraid that he was going to break his promise to Julian and end up fainting. But he rode out the orgasm successfully, without passing out, although he did stain his bedcovers when he came.

"That was amazing," Garak said.

"I'm glad you feel that way," Julian said. "I wish your bed were bigger. That way I could stay here and sleep next to you." He kissed Garak on his chufa. Garak loved him for it. "Do you want to walk me back to my quarters?"

"I would, but the very thought of moving exhausts me right now," said Garak.

"Is that a Cardassian thing?" asked Julian.

Garak had never experienced it before the implant. "Yes," he lied. "It is."

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow for lunch," said Julian.

"I suppose so," said Garak.

Julian clasped his hand suddenly. "You're shaking," he said softly.

Garak looked down at his hands. Yes, he was shaking. Visibly. _It's got to be the implant_ , he thought. But he couldn't just tell Julian, _ah, yes, I have a pleasure implant in my brain and I haven't turned it off since I first got on Terok Nor. Deep Space Nine. Terok Nor._ What did it matter what name your prison had?

"Garak?" Julian said.

Garak realized he hadn't responded. "I'll be fine," he said. "I'm just... excited."

"Okay," said Julian, squeezing his hand. "As long as you don't feel like you're going to pass out..."

"I don't," Garak reassured him. "I promise." But his promises had never meant much.

* * *

Garak didn't know how to tell Julian that he wanted to have sex in his tailor shop. _How does one go about saying such a thing?_ he wondered. _Hello, Julian, I would like to have wild sex in the tailor shop? Preferably on top of my merchandise?_

"There's something on your mind," Julian said as the two of them ate lunch together.

"On my mind?" Garak said. "I wouldn't be too sure of that. My mind is quite empty."

"Garak, you can tell me," Julian said.

"I will if we take our conversation somewhere else," Garak said.

"We can go to my office in the infirmary," Julian suggested.

"I'd rather go to my shop," Garak said.

"Are you finally going to measure me?" Julian asked with a smile.

"Something like that," said Garak, returning the smile.

So the two of them made their way to Garak's Clothiers. _Not a bad place,_ Garak thought as he unlocked the door, appraising the shop. _Not as bad as it used to be..._ But he didn't like to think about those times. It was best to forget.

"Here we are," he said aloud to distract himself. "Are you ready to be measured, doctor?" He shut the door and put up the 'closed' sign and purposefully did not turn on the lights.

"My, my, what are we going to do in here that warrants you closing your shop?" Julian asked playfully.

"Oh, nothing too terrible," Garak said innocently. "Let me get my measuring instruments." He picked up a few different instruments from a nearby table and set the specifications and began to measure Julian. He measured the width of his shoulders, the length of his arms, the span of his chest... and then he knelt to measure the inseam of his pants. As he did so, he purposefully brushed his hand against the front of Julian's pants.

"So?" said Julian.

"You have very long legs," Garak observed. "But I had better measure your waist to get a comparative measurement." He set the specifications and spanned Julian's waist with the instrument in one hand. With the other, he fondled Julian's crotch.

"Garak, anyone could walk in right now," Julian said.

"No, they can't," said Garak, setting down his instruments. "I've locked the door. Besides... I can tell how much you want me. You're excited by the idea of me on my knees. I can tell."

"You have quite the appetite, Mr. Garak," Julian said.

It was funny. Before the implant, he had never been like this. But now that he had it on constantly, he was thinking about sex all the time. When it wasn't with Julian, it was alone, lying in his bed (or even sometimes in the back room of his tailor shop), touching himself and biting his lip to keep from groaning too loudly.

"I suppose I do," Garak said. "But am I wrong?"

Julian's gaze went to the door. But he must have been assured of the quality of the locking mechanism Garak was using, because he smiled down at Garak and ran a hand through Garak's hair. Garak let out a happy humming sound as Julian's fingers smoothed his hair. He loved when people touched his hair.

"All right," Julian said. "But if it looks like anyone's going to interrupt us, it's over. All right?"

"Sounds fine to me," said Garak, already pulling down Julian's pants. Julian was already semi-hard. "Mm, you look so ready for me to wrap my lips around your cock," Garak purred.

He nearly did just that when Julian stopped him. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked. "You don't normally talk like that."

Garak felt embarrassed. "I just thought that's what you wanted to hear."

"Well," Julian admitted, "it is pretty nice."

So Garak began to suck Julian's cock, letting it slide down his throat, not gagging even in the slightest. He felt oddly at home on his knees, someone's cock in his mouth, getting more aroused himself by the thought of that cock in his ajan.

"You make me feel so good," Julian breathed.

Yes. That was what Garak liked to hear. He liked to hear that he was making Julian feel good. He needed to know this was for something other than a reason to dial up the pleasure his implant was generating. As he sucked Julian's cock, he began to rub the front of his own pants with one hand, feeling the wetness there.

Apparently Julian noticed. "You're so excited," he said.

Garak pulled away, Julian's cock sliding out of his mouth. "I can keep going if you want," he said. "I didn't mean to distract you. It's just that doing this makes me feel very... aroused."

"Stand up and take off your clothes," Julian ordered him.

Garak immediately began to do so, excitement in the pit of his stomach. He was soon naked in front of Julian, scales flushed dark gray and ridges flared. "I want you to fuck me," he said. It came out all in a rush. "I want you to fuck me on the table. I want you to fuck me so hard I forget to breathe. I want you so badly. Julian. Please..."

"Who am I to say no to that?" Julian asked. Their bodies met. Julian was nice and warm against him. Garak lay back on a table of merchandise. He didn't care if he was getting it dirty or rumpling it. In fact, the thought excited him. Garak teased the entrance of his ajan as Julian slowly stuck his cock inside.

"Ohhh," Garak moaned. "Yes, Julian, just like that. Please keep going. Please..."

"You're in a vocal mood today," Julian remarked.

"Please, Julian," Garak groaned. So Julian began to thrust inside him, at first slowly, then quickening the pace. Garak held on to the table as Julian fucked him, his eyes screwed shut in pleasure. "Yes, Julian, please, give me more," he said. "I want you so badly. I need you."

"God, you're so hot like this," Julian said.

"Yes, just for you," Garak said. "Only for you... ohhh, Julian, yesss..."

"You feel so good," said Julian in a low voice. "You're going to make me come."

"Yes, please, come inside me," Garak moaned. "I want it so much..."

With a groan, Julian came. Garak came a second later, moaning loudly, not even caring if someone heard. He felt so shaky, like he was about to pass out. _Don't pass out,_ he tried to tell himself. _You promised Julian you wouldn't pass out._ He could feel himself on the edge of unconsciousness, but he did his best to pull himself back.

Thankfully, Julian didn't appear to notice. He pulled out of Garak with a pleasant sigh. Garak got up off the table. Thankfully for the sake of his reputation as a tailor, the clothes on the table weren't that dirty or wrinkled. He vowed to clean them before he sold them.

"That was amazing," Garak said.

But Julian was thinking about something else. "Oh, no," he said. "I was supposed to be at the infirmary ten minutes ago."

"Oh, dear," said Garak. "If I had known..." _...I still probably wouldn't have cared,_ he finished in his head.

"It's fine," Julian said. "Honestly. This was great."

"Anytime," said Garak. "Anytime."

* * *

They did it again a few times, sometimes in the tailor shop, sometimes in one of their quarters. They never got daring enough to do it in the infirmary. That was where Julian drew the line. Things seemed to be going well. Garak and Julian definitely had a sort of working relationship.

But then his implant started malfunctioning.

Garak had known pain before. He truly had. All sorts of kinds of pain. But nothing like this. Nothing so bad. It felt like his brain was trying to eat itself. He couldn't escape it, although he certainly tried with kanar, with hyposprays.

He usually drank or drugged himself in private, but one night, he stopped caring. He went to Quark's and asked for a glass -no, a bottle- of kanar. He didn't take his time drinking. He just knocked back glass after glass. But it didn't do it. It didn't numb the pain. Not even a bit. In fact, and maybe Garak was just imagining it, the pain might be worse.

He was two and a half bottles in when Quark finally decided to intervene.

"Come on, Garak," Quark said. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

His voice was extremely irritating. "On the contrary," Garak said, "anyone who talks about the numbing effects of your liquor is severely overstating the case." He waved his bottle at the passers-by brightly.

Garak heard a familiar voice, and turned to see Quark speaking with Julian. _I feel better already,_ he thought.

"Oh! Doctor!" Garak exclaimed. "What a pleasant surprise! I apologize for my outburst at lunch, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Please. Join me."

Julian sat down next to him. "I think I will," he said. "May I?" He motioned toward the bottle of kanar.

"By all means," Garak assured him. Quark took a hold of the bottle. "WHAT are you doing?"

Julian grabbed the bottle, the blue liquid sloshing inside. "I think it's a little... noisy in here. I prefer to drink somewhere quiet."

Garak couldn't have agreed more. It had been a few days since they had had sex, and if kanar wasn't numbing his pain, maybe that would.

"An excellent idea," he proclaimed. "We'll go to my quarters." He put a cork in the bottle. He nearly went into an anecdote about the word 'cork' and Cardassian slang, but decided not to go into it right now.

"Whatever you want," Julian said. "Whatever you want."

Garak got the feeling that something was different about the way Julian was speaking to him, but he chose to ignore it. As the two of them left Quark's, Julian holding the bottle of kanar, Garak noticed that, although the kanar hadn't affected his pain, it had certainly made him drunk nonetheless. He wobbled a bit as he walked.

"Whoa, there," said Julian from beside him, straightening him out with a helpful arm. "How many glasses have you had?"

Garak just laughed.

He may have been drunk, but the pain was very much still there. In fact, by the time they reached his quarters, it was so bad that he could hardly focus on punching in the code for his door and getting inside.

Julian led him to the couch and gently sat him down, sitting next to him. "That's it," Julian said kindly. "Now. Want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong," Garak said. "Now, Julian, about your clothes. You should take them off. I want you to fuck me so hard it hurts."

"I don't think so, Garak," said Julian. "You're drunk."

"Why should that stop us?" Garak said, already undressing himself. "If anything, it'll enhance the experience."

"Garak, that's not how it works," said Julian. "Stop undressing."

But Garak didn't care. He had already worked off his tunic and was well on the way to getting rid of his pants. "I know you want me," said Garak. His voice sounded strange. Desperate. "I know you do. Otherwise you wouldn't have come to my quarters."

"I'm afraid you've misinterpreted my intentions," said Julian. "Something is very wrong right now. You're drunk, and you've gotten drunk for a reason."

"I don't care about reasons," Garak said. "I just want you to fuck me, Julian, PLEASE." His voice was needy, almost whining. He gave up his struggle with pulling his pants down and grabbed one of Julian's hands. "Julian, I need you to touch me. Please touch me. Please."

Julian pulled away. "Garak, this is wrong," he said. "There's no way you could possibly consent to sex right now."

"But, doctor," Garak said (he was definitely whining by now), "I _am_ consenting. I'm the one initiating it."

"That's not how it works," Julian said again. "Garak, please. Put on your clothes. This is wrong." The pain had gotten so bad that Garak had to close his eyes. He much have made a face or something, because he heard Julian said, "...Garak?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," Garak said. "Where were we at?"

"I was telling you to get dressed and go to bed," said Julian.

"Julian, I-" Garak was cut off by a wave of pain so bad he audibly winced.

"Actually, on second thought, I think you need to go to the infirmary," said Julian.

"Julian!" Garak said, crestfallen. "I hate infirmaries and hospitals and-"

"Doctors?" Julian finished.

"I don't hate you," Garak said. "Now, will you just please come here and fuck me senseless?"

"I don't think so," said Julian. "We're going to the infirmary. Right now. Put on your clothes."

"No," said Garak stubbornly. "I know you want me. I can _tell_."

"No, I don't," said Julian firmly. "If you won't put on your clothes, I'll put them on for you."

Garak stood up and was about to protest when a wave of incredible pain hit him and his knees buckled. He collapsed, half-naked, onto the floor of his quarters.

"Garak!" he heard Julian exclaim. His voice was full of worry. "Garak, are you all right? Talk to me. Please."

Garak couldn't hold it back anymore. The pain was too much. He started to cry. "Make it stop," he whispered. "Make it stop..."

And that was the last thing he remembered.

* * *

If the implant malfunctioning had been torture, withdrawal was hell. The pain made it difficult to think, to form words, to control his emotions. He didn't remember it very well... but he remembered, dimly, screaming at Julian. Tackling him to the ground. And he remembered crying in front of him. So bitter, so alone...

But things were going to be better now. At least, that's what Julian told him. He had found a solution for the damage the implant had done to his brain. Garak was feeling too blurry to think about how Julian got that solution, but he had his suspicions, and he didn't like them.

They had made a complete transition from what Julian used to call "friends with benefits" to doctor and patient. They didn't talk about the times they had slept together, or the things Garak had said the night he was hospitalized, drunk and buzzed and aching. They didn't mention that he had been beamed to the infirmary half-naked. They had a lot of things they didn't talk about.

Garak tried not to think about it. It was better that way. And Julian did his part to pretend that nothing had ever happened between them. But one night, as Garak lay in the infirmary, trying his best to recover, Julian came into his infirmary room.

"Hello, Garak," he said. Damn it, his voice was so professional. "I'm taking a double shift and I figured I would come spend some time with you."

"You don't have to do that," Garak said. "I'm sure there are many less depressing ways you could spend your time."

"But I don't want to do those things," said Julian. "I said I want to spend time with you, and that's what I'm going to do."

They were silent for a while before Garak said, "I suppose you want to talk."

"Yes," said Julian. "About... about that night. Garak, I-"

"I know," Garak cut in. "I embarrassed myself that night when I collapsed in my quarters. And perhaps I even embarrassed myself all the times we had relations."

"Garak..." Julian's voice trailed off. "Do you regret it? Being... being with me?"

Garak clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his skin, a dull pain to distract from the pain in both his head and heart. "No," he said finally. "I would never regret being with you, Julian. I just... wished it had happened... in a different way."

"You wish you weren't... indisposed while we had sex," said Julian. Garak nodded. "I wish that, too." Julian's voice and face were troubled.

Sensing Julian needed to talk, Garak said, "I'm listening."

"Garak... I feel so disgusting," Julian said. "I feel awful whenever I look in the mirror."

"But why?" Garak asked. "I'm the one who made mistakes. You never did anything wrong."

"Didn't I?" Julian burst out. "I had sex with you while you were under the influence of your implant, Garak! From what you've told me, you weren't able to understand what was going on half the time. You would've consented to anything since you were so high. I... I took advantage of you, Garak. And I hate myself for it."

Garak felt absolutely horrible. "Julian..." he said. "I... I'm sorry. I should have told you about the implant. But I didn't think about any of this."

"No," said Julian. "You definitely didn't." He clenched his fists. "Damn it, there I go again. Acting like I'm the victim in this scenario."

"There are no victims," Garak said. "I'm not under the influence of my implant now, Julian. It's gone. It's out. And I can completely say that I consented to having sex with you. Every time. I promise."

Julian sighed. "Garak, I don't know how to feel," he said. "Can we promise not to talk about it?"

"Yes," Garak said quietly. "We can."

So Julian stayed with him for a while and they talked about the latest incidents on the station. Not about what had happened. What they had done.

And when Julian left him to sleep, Garak thanked him for spending time with him, rolled over, and waited until Julian was gone. Then he saw no reason to hold back his tears anymore. He cried like a child into his pillow, crying for what he had done, what he had done to Julian, what Julian had done to him. And he wished that it had happened any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent months on this and I'm still not happy with it, but I'm posting it anyway.  
> Comments are very much appreciated! :)


End file.
